I have been MIA for the past month . I wish I could tell you it was for exciting ridiculous reasons of taking off on adventures to exotic lands with handsome strangers . However it was mainly because my laptop cord was a pile and I delayed replacing it . I am back. You’re stuck with me now , new cord , new nonsense ! Enjoy!
1) I have had a lot of people ask me recently about the mystery panties. Has anyone come forward? Did Dick Tracy get to the bottom of this delicate matter? What size? What brand? How does one just stumble upon skivvies when you live alone???
Well friends, these are questions I do not have the answers to. I can provide you with a picture worth 1000 words to settle your life altering dilemma over these panties.
As a community, lets find this sad cinderella who lost her gitch !!
2) There are times in my life that I choose to challenge myself and judge where I am in life. When I know I am going out to dinner at an Italian restaurant where I know I will order something messy like pasta, I will wear white. If i walk out at the end of a meal with my white shirt intact, its been a good day. More often than not however, I learn the same lesson: Boudz, you are not a grown up, Stop wearing white !!!!!
3) The other day while cruising around the city, I passed a car with full on reindeer garb still intact. CALM DOWN RUDOLPH ! You’re two months past due and 10 years past cute.
4) The other day I received a text from a number I didn’t recognize. After figuring out who it was, I entered them into my phone strictly so I wouldn’t answer if said person would call/ text again. After further inspection, I realized I have more “Do Not Answer” numbers than useful contacts . I might be a terrible person, or really smart. I choose to believe the ladder.
5) If you’re the type of person that brushes their teeth in the shower, I don’t trust you or your weird life choices. You’re not that busy. Phoney.
6) If you’re the type of person that drinks a beer in the shower, welcome to the highlife my friend. I trust you and your weird life choices. You are hungover and I support you. You’re genuine.
7) I am still convinced that there are house hippos living amongst us… the search continues..
8) Last week I was greeted by a shirt at work , left by a customer. It was not a gift, just a loan. I was loaned a souvenir t-shirt from Jamaica by a stranger. I have no idea who to thank (?) or return this cryptic offering to. To the Drifter who dropped element of hilarity into my life : thank you, you’re a real gem !
9) Today as I ordered food, to my surprise , my eyes met the gaze of who I can only assume is the living and breathing celebrity, Sloth. Thats right my friends , Sloth made famous from the childhood phenomenon The Goonies, is still alive and breathing. He has settled in for a humbled life right here in Sault Ste. Marie Ontario. I use the word humbled loosely , as he is undoubtedly the rudest patron I have every witnessed. Word of advice , Mr. Sloth – If you treat your waitress with the respect she deserves, she might throw a Baby Ruth your way. Keep it classy and show some respect, Jerk.
Hit the Bricks, Loppers.
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