With every new year , comes new promises. Each year you maintain you are going too be better than the last . Stronger. Braver. Thinner. Funnier. You promise to maintain your self control and that all your vices will fly out the window at the stroke of midnight. These are all promises that you will no doubt break within the first week of 2015. In this weeks top ten , i think it only fair to pay tribute to the year past and the general optimism for 2015.
1) Kim K broke the internet, Ray Rice broke his wife , and Robin Williams broke everyones hearts. Its been a rough year to be a celeb, good thing we have the paparazzi to tell us we’re doing better or at least the same as the fame hungry!
2) This year i chipped my tooth on a strawberry . A STRAWBERRY PEOPLE! Who does that ?! Not a frozen strawberry. Not a fake plastic strawberry. A ripe juicy strawberry. Im still trying to decipher the logistics of that play. Yeesh…!
3) There is a green cat running around Bulgaria . The little scamp sleeps in a garage on a bag of powered paint and managed to dye her whole body a beautiful teal colour. The neighbourhood is worried about her health considering she’s covered head to toe in what i can only assume is toxic gross chemicals, but she’s too quick. She escapes every attempt at capture. She’s the honey badger of felines! She is an inspiration. Not to mention completely fabulous .
4) My life , never being short of oddities and adventure, has led me into weird situations and scenarios a time or two. One idle Wednesday night, I’m just hanging out catching up on my stories and doing some laundry. Then it happened. The inexplicable. As i was folding a blanket , in the static cling : a pair of sassy panties. They are not mine. They did not belong to any of my chums. I live alone with personal washer/dryer . It is a puzzle wrapped in a conundrum wrapped in an enigma. It has been 2 months and i’ve yet to figure out who stashed their undies at my house. weirdos.
The side effects may be increased while increasing the daily Lorazepam Online dose.
5) Just once in my life i want to walk away from any situation like the triumphant end to the breakfast club. Fist up , head down, full of gumption and pride. So come 2015 i’ve decided to dive in heart first , too fast and dare to be great , in everything i do. No fear. I dont care . Lets do this.
-That is my resolution my friends.
6) “Its not that i like ‘One Direction’ – But i get it” . A friend of mine uttered this the other day. Its a great thing to say out loud. Proud of you kid.
7) 2014 has taught me that when i consume 2-3 solid G+T’s , i become incredibly optimistic. Drunk Echo makes way more plans than Sober Echo can keep. For that, I’m sorry .
8) True story : I gave my mama a framed picture of my old roommate for christmas. Now he is on prominent display in her house and looks fantastic. Just a touch creepy. Best. Goal: complete. …..Love you ma.
9) Hay ride or Sleigh ride ? Is there a difference …? Someone once told me that these are two very different things, yet to this day i can’t figure out what the difference is. I think they lied to me. I think they lied right to my face. how rude.
10) After watching the debauchery tonight , i can confidently say that ALL of you have already broke your resolutions. proud of you. Rules are made to be broken.
Hit the bricks , Loppers !