1) I realized this week that i am victim to my own name. Just like the myth, I can’t not have the last word. It is terrible. I always want to pull a fade or leave a text or email unanswered , but there’s this terrible force that takes over my sensibility and has to have the last word. So unsatisfying.

2) Hey you … you with the late ’90’s bandana on your head… I see you there … I see you pretending not to care that your bandana is out of style and a little embarrassing for all who are sitting with you – a brave choice. Props. Im sure you’re the kind of dad your daughters are frightened to introduce their boyfriends to, not because you will be harsh and get to the bottom of what their intentions are with your daughter. Strictly because you will offer them a busch light from american walmart as you scarf down cheetos . You will no doubt make an incredibly timed “cheesy” joke as you give the boy a hearty slap on the back , smearing orange cheeto dust on his freshly bought H&M cotton blend sweater. Proud of you, Bandana Dad. Keep reppin’ that dad fashion. I feel you.

3) I feel like the bar would be a lot more fun if the bartenders had to make their patrons play truth or dare for their drinks. That would be amazing. I’m gonna try that. Wednesday, Game nights – just got alot more interesting.

4) Lately I’ve realized my brilliant ideas , never quite turn out as awesome as intended . The entire premise of my life is always based on a good joke. I will do anything if I find it funny . I once bought a boyfriend the johnny depp movie “cry baby” to break up with him. I giggled but later in life realized it probably wasn’t the most polite thing I’ve ever done.

5) I read an article this week all about how pandas are the biggest jerks in the world. I agree. Stupid panda jerks.

6) I wish people still fought the way the french taunter from monty python fought. A warrior of words with a certain “je ne c’est quoi” and the essence of slickness we all wish we possessed. “Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!” C’mon, do better, I dare you.

7) Sometimes I genuinely wish I possessed the strength to say exactly what I want to say when I want to say it . Have you ever been faced with the moment when you want to say something but society tells you it is awkward?  I have. It sucks. Sometimes the best choice is to tell fate , society , inevitability  , to kick rocks and do what your gut tells you. One day ill get there.

8) “Somedays I just want to kill myself , then you ”     thanks ry, love you too buddy.

9) My house is still a snow globe from a month ago. If you ever wondered what it is like to live in a dream world with feathers and comfort floating majestically through the air, just have a bratty little sharpei rip up a duvet. Its a great time. My dyson has never worked so hard , and still failed. I will be finding feathers for the rest of my days.

10) This week I successfully bathed my dog in a stand up shower with a stationary head. She hated it. I hated it. She smells like grapefruit now. Its kind of the best to snuggle a dog that does not smell like garbage anymore.


Hit the Bricks, Loppers !!


Cheers ! xo